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Blow Dry the Broadcaster (March 21 – April 19)

You travel to Mexico, and discover that most of the people there speak Spanish or something.

Gratis the Community Relations Manager (April 20 – May 20)

You go to the airport to find that the moving walkway is ending.

Backspace the Proofreader (May 21 – June 20)

Some days, “public” and “pubic” just look the same.

Barnum the Publicist (June 21 – July 22)

Bad publicity is better than no publicity, except when your client causes an international incident on a trans-Atlantic flight involving a nun, a hamster and electrical tape.

Journalisticus the Editor (July 23 – Aug. 22)

You’re not the last person to know that your reporters are dumber than dirt. It just seems that way.

Reporticus the Investor Relations Specialist (Aug 23 – Sept 22)

You wouldn’t know FAS 140 if it hit you in the head like the disclosure of a consistent application of a financial-components approach that focuses on control of servicing assets that are sales from transfers of secured borrowings.

Advertarius the Account Executive (Sept 23 – Oct 23)

Laying awake at night, tossing and turning, does not count as “billable hours.”

Porous the Civil Servant Office manager (Oct. 24 – Nov. 21)

You know all those dowdy, frumpy, uninspiring wonks you see getting off at the L’Enfant Plaza Metro station? You’re one of them.

Strategarius the Consultant (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

Like an eight-month old discovering the joy of his voice for the first time, all of your clients have learned how to say “no” to you.

Corpricon the Corporate Communicator (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

All of the media training in the world is not going to help your executive vice president. And it’s your fault.

Inferiorus the Marketing Communications Intern (Jan 20. – Feb 18)

Wear your brown pants. Trust us on this one.

Pencilius the Graphic Designer (Feb. 19 – March 20)

Try as you might, you cannot dress a stick figure. And your client knows it.