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Artificial Intelligence in Communications
Pretend you know what you’re doing
June 4-6, 2022 at an imagined location
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Special March 32nd edition of JOTW
JOTW 13-2023 Add 1
March 32, 2023
The Free Job of the Week Newsletter
This is JOTW newsletter number 1,843A
“Ya knoooooowwwww, A good goat’ll do that for you!”
– Jury member number 6
This edition of JOTW comes to you from Ned’s basement, again.
*** Welcome to the JOTW network!
This is the award-winning free Job of the Week e-mail networking newsletter for professional communicators, dedicated to the positive unanticipated consequences of networking, or as we call it, “nedworking.” And this here is the special March 32nd edition of JOTW. JOTW is a cooperative service. That means JOTW relies on the contributions of its members, like you. And if you have never contributed anything, then karma dictates that in the end that big nothing will reward you and come back to land on your head like big sack of rotten potatos. So think about it.
*** To submit a job for sharing on JOTW, please provide the job title, organization or company, and location and send it to Ned at lundquist989@cs.com. Provide a link or contact info so people can check out your listing or follow up if interested.
*** Posting a job is free. Recruiters can submit up to three jobs for free. Each job listing may be posted once in the newsletter for free
I request that you do not send pdf files that I have to copy and reformat. I prefer you provide your very brief job description in an email rather than an enclosure. Please limit the size of your position descriptions (generally to 500 words or less). “Can’t Wait” blast email priority listings are $300, and “Top Job” placement is $100. Just send to me at lundquist989@cs.com.
*** This is a cooperative service. Or at least it’s supposed to be. You know, you get something, you give something. Share and share alike. Not such a hard concept to grasp, really. And yet, what have you done to give back? Right. Thought so.
*** To sign up for JOTW’s new Google Groups list, send an email to Ned at lundquist989@cs.com and request to join the new listerv. If you receive this as an email from neds-job-of-the-week@googlegroups.com, then you are on this list.
*** This week’s Can’t Wait postings:
By the time this issue was published we had not received a “Can’t Wait” posting and we couldn’t wait any longer. That’s because, you know, we can’t wait.
Can’t Wait jobs: These jobs are forwarded to the entire list as soon as they are received, and do not wait for the Monday newsletter, and are posted prominently on the JOTW website. Then they are posted first in the weekly JOTW newsletter. Can’t Wait postings cost $300. Contact Ned at lundquist989@cs.com.
*** This week’s Top Job:
We tried to get to the bottom of this, but once again there was no “Top Job.”
Top Jobs: Stand above the rest. Your job can be right here, at the top of the weekly JOTW newsletter. Top job placement costs $100 per job per week. To be on top, contact Ned at lundquist989@cs.com.
*** If you find out about a job opportunity in communications, send it to me (lundquist989@cs.com), and I’ll share it with the JOTW network.
*** Here’s the link for the JOTW newsletter on the website:
http://www.nedsjotw.com/2023/04/01/special-march-32nd-edition-jotw/
*** Webinar!
Overcoming Barriers to Effective Communication.
Must have FireFox 8.0 and 1080 monitor. Send an email to request a link to register your webinar login. Must authenticate email with special code texted to your phone. Receive your dual authenticated-password by U.S. Postal Service. Must respond within 30 seconds. Allow eight weeks for delivery.
*** One Paragraph Pitch:
Hi, my name is Mike Sorohan, and I’ve worked as a professional communicator (sort of) since 1979. Over the years, I’ve won numerous awards, served as a volunteer with professional communications trade associations, steadily climbed the corporate ladder and, for the past 23 years, had a fulfilling job in which I turned communication into a profit center for my company. I’m a self-starter, an excellent writer/editor, a strategic thinker and a natural mentor. I would be a valuable asset to any organization. I’m not looking for a job-I just wanted all of you to know.
*** Send your One Paragraph Pitch submissions to lundquist989@cs.com. You can pitch yourself or your business anyway you want, as long as it’s short and to the point. You can include a photo, too! There is no waiting list. And it’s free! Submit yours today!
*** Ned’s upcoming travel, maybe, perhaps:
Travel suspended due to lack of funds.
*** Here are your JOTW job opportunities for this week:
1.) SOCIAL MEDIA CONTENT WRITER, National Anti-Woke Association, Washington, D.C.
Can you spell “woke?” Even if we give you a four-letter headstart? If so, you can work for us as a social media content writer! Your job is to visit social media pages (i.e. Facebook) and type things like “You must be one of those woke people” whenever you see posts that you disagree with. No knowledge necessary of what the word “woke” actually means. We pay by the number of replies you generate. Reply to woke@NAWA.org.
2.) CRISIS MEDIA EXPERT, International Cryptocurrency Association, Somewhere Near Belarus
ICA needs someone pronto who can provide reassuring communications to potential investors in cryptocurrency. Our last campaign, “Just Ignore Those Stories in the Wall Street Journal” did not have the desired results. Competitive salary in Bitcoin. Resume to HelpUs@CryptoAss.com
3.) Customer Focus Expert, Strap-on Tools, Kenosha, Wisconsin
https://www.strapon.com/sotools/us/jobs-demo
4.) Public Information, Heritage, History and tradition, U.S. Space Force – Since 2019, Devils Tower, Wyoming
5.) SpokesBear, Charmin, Proctor & Gamble, Cincinnati, Ohio
The nation’s most loveable toilet paper is seeking a new loveable SpokesBear for upcoming advertising campaign. Our last bear, Leonard, unfortunately, is no longer employed by us following an unfortunate widely publicized incident involving a 75-pound bag of cocaine. We wish Leonard all the best. Our next Spokesbear will possess poise on camera, ability to work with others and have excellent hygiene. Please reply to SpokesBear@P&G.com
6.) CAMPAIGN MANAGER, RE-ELECT GEORGE SANTOS FOR CONGRESS, New York.
Really, Ned, we can’t make this stuff up…
7.) COMMUNICATIONS SPECIALIST, JEW-“ISH” DRAG QUEENS WHOSE MOM DIED ON 9-11 WHILE RAISING MONEY FOR A NON-EXISTENT ANIMAL RESCUE ORGANIZATION, New York.
C’mon Ned…REALLY?
8.) EMAIL SUPERVISOR, Fox News, New York
Heh-heh…*snort*…giggle-giggle…heh-heh…SNORT-BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
9.) Diversity Equity and Inclusion Communications, Mike Lindell Institute of Winning, Chaska, Minnesota
https://www.mypillow.com/careers/DEIcommunications/itsallfluff
10.) Professional Testifier, Alliance of non-expert people who can make semi-legitimate claims in court about Tobacco and lung cancer being perfectly safe and part of a healthy lifestyle, Black Lung, VA
www.ANEPWCMSLCICATALCBPSAPHL.org/jobs/blowsmoke
11.) PRODUCTION CREW, TLC, Silver Spring, Md.
“The Learning Channel” (seriously) has immediate openings for Production Crew members for our upcoming fall lineup:
–“The Duggars: ‘Still Reproducing at an Alarming Rate'”
–“My 600-Pound 90-Day Fiance”
–“Behind Closed Doors: What Really Happens at Chick Fil-A on Sundays”
–“Below Decks: Steerage Edition”
–“The Guppy Whisperer”
–“Wedding-or Funeral?”
–“Family Game Night-Emergency Room Edition”
–“Is that Even Legal? (Let’s Find Out)”
–“America’s Funniest Helicopter Parents”
We pay 5 cents above minimum wage. Learn more at jobs@tlc.com.
12.) PRE-PRODUCTION: John Wick Chapter 5: We’re Serious this Time
Coming off the success of “John Wick,” “John Wick 2,” “John Wick 3: Parabellum” and “John Wick, Chapter 4,” we have begun pre-production for the fifth chapter of the scheduled 25-film John Wick franchise. We’re going keep doing this until Keanu moves into assisted living. If you’re a member of SAG, AFTRA, AFM, DGA, IATSE, IABC, PRSA, ADG, CDG, ICG, MUAHS, MPEG, PSVEG, WGA and AMPTP, please check your jobs board for more information
13.) Public Information, Heritage, History and tradition, U.S. Space Force – Since 2019, Devils Tower, Wyoming
14.) Quality Contrpol/Porrofreader, New’ds Job of the Week, Spriong field, Virginia
Never mind
15.) Executive Communications, AMERICAN DATA MINING CORPORATION, Bitcoin, Virginia
Have you ever wondered why you start thinking of, say, New Mexico, and all of a sudden, ads for New Mexico start appearing on your Facebook feed? Or you mention to your partner that it’s getting to be time to buy a new mattress and you start getting love notes from Mattress Firm? It’s us. We’re in your brain; we’re listening to you through Alexa and Siri and Hey Google; we’re turning your words, thought and actions into data. We don’t have a job opening; we just wanted you to know. See you-literally.
16.) MARCOM and line cook, Wuhan Bush Meet Drive-thru, Big Ear, Ohio
www.fastfoodbatshitcrazy.com/jobs-comms
17.) SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY’RE DOING, NASCAR, Charlotte, N.C.
Hurry.
18.) Medical Communications, Great British COVID 19 Testing Show, Wanksley on Dorksford, Crotching, UK
www.letsstartwiththisoneshallwe.uk
19.) Sales consultant, Donald’s Used Gold Toilets, Man-I-Gotta-Go, Florida
www.everyonetellsmethesearethebesttoiletseats.com/
20.) Science Communications, Prevagen, Quincy Bioscience, Madison, WI
Make up stories to convince this jellyfish stuff works even though there is no scientific evidence.
https://www.quincybioscience.com/careers/
21.) Director of Communications, Save the Crystal Jellyfish (Aequorea Victoria), Birminham, UK
*** Weekly Piracy Report:
19.03.2023: 1915 UTC: Posn: 03:55.5N – 098:44.9E, Bungawong Anchorage, Indonesia.
Two robbers boarded an anchored product tanker via the anchor chain and hawsepipe and broke into the paint store. Duty crew spotted the robbers and raised the alarm. Third Mate roused the storekeeper who reported to the paint store room. Robbers said they were looking to match a dusky rose interior paint with similar tint for Tin-free Self-Polishing Copolymer (SPC), Control Depletion Polymer (CDP) and Foul Release coating (FRC) to apply to their ship’s underwater / wetted area of the hull to deter the settlement of fouling species and thus slowing maximum speed avaialable and increasing fuel consumption. Third Mate suggested a Pink Dynasty or Razzle Dazzle, and ultimately settled on mixing Demur Coral with Orange Peel and Eggshell to create unique yet unobtrusive match. Robbers took a sample to try on their ship and promised to return for more if wives approved of the color choice.
*** Ball cap of the week: Lake Chaubunagungamaug, Massachusetts
*** Coffee mug of the week: “Trust me, You can Dance!” – Alcohol
*** T-Shirt of the week: I hate being bipolar. It’s awesome!
*** Musical guest artist of the week: Light relaxing favorites with Sam Kinnison
*** To subscribe: Contact Ned at lundquist989@cs.com.
Your cooperation is requested. Please send job opportunities to share with all JOTW members to lundquist989@cs.com.
You are welcome to distribute this to fellow communicators. You are welcome to look at the previous issues. To read this list on the web, please visit www.nedsjotw.com.
This newsletter is published by:
Edward H. Lundquist, ABC, IABC Fellow
7813 Richfield Road
Springfield, VA 22153
U.S.A.
The JOTW Network – A world in communication
For your hospitality, thank you!
© Copyright 2020 The Job of the Week Network, LLC
*** Ha’ina ‘ia mai ana ka’puana
(If you dig a hole for someone else, you will fall into it.)
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